When Death Knocks: How Cancer Taught Me to Fight Like Hell
At 38, death and I had our first real conversation. It wasn’t casual, and it sure as hell wasn’t welcome. It was raw, terrifying, and life-altering.
But let’s rewind for a moment. The first time I truly felt fear wasn’t during my cancer diagnosis… it was the day I was rushed down a hospital hallway for an emergency c-section. My son’s life hung in the balance, and I didn’t know if either of us would make it. That kind of fear brands you, but hearing the words, “You have cancer”? That’s a different kind of fear.
The Moment Everything Stops
When your doctor looks you in the eye and says those three words, your world shatters. Everything around you goes silent, like someone pressed mute on your life. You’re left standing in a void. Nothing feels real, but it’s the most real thing you’ll ever experience.
And it’s lonely as hell.
I was drowning in questions I couldn’t answer:
Why is this happening to me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Am I being punished?
Why me?
No matter how strong your spirit is, those thoughts hit you like a fucking freight train.
I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening, let alone make sense of it. All I knew was that I was staring down a darkness that threatened to consume everything… my joy, my hope, my life.
The Shift: From Terror to Determination
And then, there she was.
In the cancer center, I saw a woman with a freshly shaved head and a pink ribbon tattoo. She carried herself like a warrior who had been through the fire and come out stronger. And I thought to myself, Where will I put my badge?
That’s when everything shifted. The fear didn’t disappear… it doesn’t really ever leave… but it had to make room for something else. Something bigger. Something fiercer.
I had this internal conversation with myself, like a showdown between who I was and who I needed to become. If this was really happening, then fuck it. I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.
I wasn’t ready to leave.
My son needed his mom. My husband needed his wife. I needed my life. And I wasn’t going to let cancer take that from me without one hell of a battle.
What Cancer Taught Me
Here’s what I learned in the trenches: cancer changes you. Period. But how it changes you? That’s up to you.
You can let it shrink your world down to scan results, survival rates, and endless “what-ifs.” Or you can grab it by the balls and decide it’s your wake-up call. Use it to live bigger, love harder, and discover strength you didn’t even know you had.
Because cancer doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Sometimes, it’s the beginning of a new chapter.
Turning Fear into Power
If you’re tired of living in fear and letting it dictate your every move, I’ve got something for you. Clear the Fear is my free masterclass designed for cancer warriors who are ready to stop surviving and start thriving.
You didn’t survive all that shit just to live a half-life ruled by dread and anxiety. It’s time to turn your battle scars into your superpower.
Let’s stare fear in the face and say, “Not today, motherfucker.”
Final Thoughts
You are stronger than you think. And no matter what cancer tried to take from you, it doesn’t get to take you.
This is your life. Live it on your terms.
And if you need someone in your corner, I’m right here. You’ve got this.
